Once, I Believed
by SpookyDude
Summary: Fred's musings after she loses someone close to her. Please r/r!!


**DISCLAIMER**: I own nothing. Joss, ME, WB, etc… own everything.  
**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS**: Thanks Rach, for the beta-ing and Ms Smith, my English teacher - for setting this essay question hehe.   
**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Ok, this is the first dark piece I've ever written - hopefully its good, lol! This is actually a response to a practice essay set out by my English teacher, the requirements were that it had to start with 'Once, I believed…' and it had to be about change (which is the topic that I'm doing in English at the moment). So I guess it's a challenge response - lol!! 

Please review! It makes me feel loved!!!! Now onto the fic….  
   
  
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Once, I believed in something.  
  


I, Winifred Burkle, believed that if you were a good person, who lived a good life and did the right thing, you would be rewarded. If you were a good person, life would be kind to you; it would allow you to mean something, to feel worthwhile.  
  


I no longer believe this.  
  


So now, I look inside myself and ask 'When did it all go wrong? When did the basis of my entire belief system, of my entire world view, crumble?'  
  


Within an instant, I know the answer. I don't need to think about it for more than three seconds.   
  


It all went wrong when he died.  
  


It all started when I was in the Hyperion, an abandoned hotel that was the site of my workplace and my residence. I worked for 'Angel Investigations', a detective agency that specialised in the supernatural. It was just him and me at the hotel, and he was getting ready to fight a vampire.  
  


"Wesley." I said to him pleadingly. "Don't go yet. Wait for Angel or Charles to get here and go with one of them."  
  


"Nonsense, Fred." He replied heartily. "It's just one vampire, I can handle it. I've been fighting demons for years."  
  


"I know, I know." I said quickly, not meaning to undermine his fighting abilities. "But I just get worried sometimes. I don't want anything to happen to you."  
  


At this, Wesley turned around and walked over to me. I stared at him, my eyebrows narrowed in apprehension. He stared back at me intensely and reached up to brush my cheek with his hand in a reassuring manner. "You don't need to be scared for me, I'll be fine."  
  


I sighed in defeat. "Ok. But, be careful." I responded, smiling softly at him.  
  


"I will." He whispered, smiling. "I should be back within the hour." With that, he turned and exited the hotel.  
  


When an hour had passed and he hadn't returned I began to grow anxious. When another hour passed, I became scared. When another hour passed, I became terrified.  
  


Suddenly, the phone rang, jolting me out of my near-hysterical state. The call was from the police, telling me that they had found Wesley dead and they had rung the number on his business card in order to find someone who could positively identify him.   
  


With my heart in my mouth, I rushed over to the police station. Once I got there, an Officer ushered me into a small room with a body bag lying on the table. He then unzipped the bag and showed me the corpse.  
  


It was Wesley.  
  


I took one look at his mangled corpse, and that's when it all came crashing down on me. I didn't understand it. How could someone so wonderful and brilliant be killed in such a horrific way? It didn't make sense. Everyday, Wesley went out and protected the world from an evil that most people were too ignorant to believe in. Few people knew of all the good things he had done. Few people knew that he was a hero.   
  


But, I know it. He is my hero. But, now he is dead.  
  


Looking back, I remember everything as if it happened yesterday. The pain is still so fresh. It seeps out from the bottom of my heart and surrounds me, removing me from life. The pain is palpable, just like a thick fog - I cannot see anybody else, and they cannot see me. It is harsh on my eyes and bitter on my tongue.   
  


Once, I believed in something.   
  


Now I don't know what to believe.   
  
~The End~


End file.
